Satire: Satirical Liturgy of the people

[EXCLUSIVE] Satirical Liturgy: A Case For Satan [2]

   During the days leading to the biggest case of the century, thousands of people from across the world came out en masse to show their support for God and Satan. Many thronged out in places like heaven’s gate with placards showing maximum support for God. However, those who felt heaven have caged their rights for years, including restrictions towards their sexual orientation as well as being hindered from having multiple sexual partners pleaded with the People of Earth to modify their Statement of Claim and include their perceived injustice through an anonymous source who didn’t want her name to be in print.

After seeing humans file a case against their lord, demons and witches started a massive campaign to win a lot of public sympathy for Satan. Lilith has urged them to use their allures and powers to ensure all their stooges whom they have been manipulating the laws of nature on their behalf through the years, shows sympathy for Satan. She did this by making sure that most of the videos documenting the tortures of their loved ones are leaked to the media through Lucyleaks. She also got the media heavily hooked on the poor living conditions of the People of Earth imprisoned in hell for minor crimes, but mostly masturbation. Expectedly, this made the People of Earth modify some of their earlier claims, and added more human rights abuses to it. In fact, Lilith ensured one of the souls’s imprisoned in hell for touching his genitals in 47 AD escaped from hell, to be a star witness for the People of Earth in their case against God and Satan.

      Meanwhile, all efforts to push the Armageddon agenda by the Litigator-General through the Church of Christmas Day Armageddonians were entirely rebuffed by the People of Earth who threatened to sue Elder 12 for trying to interfere with a case already in court before Chukwu. But, that wasn’t enough though, as they also went ahead to file an injunction preventing him from appearing as God’s counsel for the matter at the appointed date. Due to the urgency of the matter, Chukwu had to grant the order immediately and made it a universal decree that heaven can no longer threaten humans with Armageddon anymore until He says otherwise. For his troubles, the Council of Heaven’s top Senior Advocates were forced to invoke the Rules of Professional Conduct and stripped Elder 12 of his prosecutorial powers. God was so disappointed in him that He sent Elder 12 to the Garden of Eden to live out the rest of his life tending to the beautiful garden. He was surprised though to see Thanos playing ping pong with Adam.

“Don’t be surprised Elder 12. I tried to give them a better future where no one went to bed hungry, but they misinterpreted my intentions and sent more than a dozen of their warriors after me. So, I had to give them a reality where they chopped off my head and snapped me out of existence so I can tend to this beautiful garden with my good friend Adam.” Thanos said, inviting him to come join the game while he brought a jar of nicely brewed vinegar.

    As preparations for the D-day heightened and got closer, Chukwu sent an invitation to 12 Elder Gods. Their roles were to oversee the Universe while two of its most important figures appear before him. The forces of Darkness are always lurking around to create doom and Chukwu didn’t want what happened in before repeating itself again.

5 comments

  1. Hey, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your website in Ie, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, amazing blog!

    Liked by 1 person

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