Satire: Satirical Liturgy of the people

[EXCLUSIVE] Satirical Liturgy: A Case For Satan [7]

   The d-day finally came and the People of Earth were all enthused about the case against God and Satan. Onyonyo TV got the broadcasting rights to the event. Part of the deal for the broadcast rights is a sizable donation to be made to the People of Earth who had poor living conditions in hell, especially the minor offenders.

Top on the news hour and live story is the disturbing situation God has found himself in. Two hours to the case at Chukwu’s Court, God is yet to have a Lawyer to defend him on the case. Expectedly, most people could careless and thought he deserved his current predicament. The previous day, a prophecy made by a Church of Latter Day Armageddonian outcast went viral. In the prophecy, he told his parishioners that he saw a vision. In the vision, a great darkness overcame the world and the People of Earth rose in one voice against their eternal tormentors. Pundits and human rights activists identified those tormentors as Satan and God after a two years investigation personally done by F.M Euphoria.

His prophecy got him banned and ostracized from the Armageddonians at the time. All his privileges were revoked and he was tagged a heretic, apostate and devil’s incarnate manifest in human flesh. The rumors have it that he was taken to the mountain of Uwa to live out the rest of his days in the company of trees and serpents. The viral prophecy expectedly started a global crisis in the hierarchies of the church. But, the crisis rocking the Church of Latter Day Armageddonians took backstage to what a lot of justice observers and social media users are calling the biggest case of all time.  As at the morning of the case, it has gotten more than 100 trillion tweets, and 950 billion retweets.

    As Nneke could not refuse Ekwensu’s offer based on her own personal rules of acceptance which is universal, the Sun Central Square made the case a constant feature in SCS TV the moment her involvement in the case went viral. By 8am, Mr. Thomas the counsel for the People of Earth was seen entering Chukwu’s court to much applaud from all over the world. Everyone went crazy and wild the moment he signed the attendance list and took a seat at the claimant’s side of the courtroom at Chukwu’s right hand. A few moments later, Lilith and Satan are seen entering the Court premises. It wasn’t long before Nneke was seen flying in with her majestic TARDIS. Unlike Satan and Lilith who were booed by the people, “scum” being the most tweeted word, Nneke was treated like paparazzi. It wasn’t long before everything she wore started trending as the latest fashion all over the universe. Of course, she had already instructed her agents to get appropriate commissions and proprietary benefits beforehand.

   It wasn’t long before God entered the court room through a pre-arranged secret portal. The court was billed to start by 9:00am, but five minutes to the time, God hasn’t gotten a lawyer yet. According to the rule of direction in the court, he cannot defend himself but can be cross-examined as long as he has filed a comprehensive reply to the claims against him. Onyonyo TV was about making a statement that the case was about to start and God will be subject to the rules of proceedings when the Queen of Heaven made a triumphant entry. Her glory made them all take a break to pay reverence and homage.

***

“Mum, dad, are you seeing this?” asked Robert, the brother of Thomas who is the prosecutor for Earth.

“Breaking News: The Queen of Heaven is sighted; Says She is God’s Counsel for the case”

“Come on, let us join our hands together and pray for Thomas. She knew how much Thomas needed this win and yet she took the case. I have been burning candles and offering daily prayers in her name everyday so that she doesn’t take the case. I thought she heard my prayers, but obviously she loved God more than she loved us”

“Now, she made Miriam cry” the mom said as she carried her three year old daughter and cuddled her gently, telling her everything will be alright.

“Will Tommy lose, mummy?” the pretty little girl innocently asked her mum, concerned about her brother.

“I trust my son. He will make us all proud and he will take you to the Sun Square for your favourite candy” the mom reassured her sweet girl.

“Okay mummy.”

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