Satire: Satirical Liturgy of the people

[EXCLUSIVE] Satirical Liturgy: A Case For Satan [8]

      At exactly 8:59:50am, the universe felt a heavy presence. Immediately, the roaring big vibrations from Amadioha’s thunderbolt hammered across the world to announce Chukwu’s appearance and for all to stand as he makes his entrance into the Courtroom.

The moment Chukwu entered and sat down, activities began again around the world. He told Aristotle to call the cases for the day. The first case of the day was the motion filed by Ekwensu seeking to be joined as a ‘necessary party’. As a Court of Summary Judgment, Chukwu told Nneke to make her case.

“My Lord, we only have one issue for consideration in the Ex-parte Motion for Joinder of Parties filed before this honorable Court. The Party seeking to be joined was made a necessary party to the case when the Church of Latter Day Armageddonians started interchanging the name Ekwensu with Satan during their missionary journeys in order to win souls. Due to dwindling financial resources, he could not afford the propaganda to maintain his name in mainstream media when Science, Technology and Writing took over the world.

“In most of the paragraphs in the claims filed by the People of Earth, they also used both names interchangeably, making it obvious that the Party to be joined is officially a Necessary Party to the case. We are praying for the honourable Court to add the Applicant to the Defendant’s list so that he can clear his name once for all”

“Motion Granted” Chukwu replied immediately she finished making her prayer.

    Outside the Courtroom, Onyonyo TV was about revealing the total number of Nneke special eyebrows sold when the show host was told to break the news that Ekwensu has now been officially joined in the case.

The news seemed weird to a lot of people because they didn’t know who the guy is until the announcement that he was now a party to the biggest case of the century. Within a minute, five of the biggest search engines reported that the name “Ekwensu” is crashing their systems with the trillions of queries it was generating. While Nneke regularized her process with the Court clerk, Ekwensu’s fan club took over the internet.

    After dealing with three other motions filed by other applicants who were also in the Cause List for the day, Aristotle called up the case for The People of Earth v God, Satan and Ekwensu who was joined as the third Defendant after regularization.  

***

“You have grown some balls my friend. I can’t believe you vehemently declined to represent your maker when he needed you the most” Thanos said to Elder 12 as they stared at the early morning sunrise from the Eastern bank of the River Eden near the Tree of Life at Judas’ orchard.

“Take a look around you Thanny, everyone is growing balls these days.” replied the elder while they watched the commentary from the analysts on Onyonyo TV in front of them.

 “What’s your overall take on the case filed by these insatiable earthlings?” Thanos asked him after he stood up and plucked an apple from the Tree of Life. Growing up, the Elder has been told an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Eating one apple a day is now his personal religion every morning after he was de-robed and sent to the Garden of Eden.

“They actually have a solid case, and I’m glad I won’t be the one standing before Chukwu to defend God in the matter” he replied.

“I didn’t know you to be a coward, Elder 12. You can’t possibly be afraid of Lilith. I mean, Adam fucked her so good the other time, Satan decided to cause Adam’s downfall to keep him away from her” Thanos reminded.

“Lilith is a whore, and has perfected her whoring antics across the universe. I think they all have to worry about Thomas instead” Elder 12 cautioned.

“Why do you say that?” Thanos inquired.

“Use Google my friend, it has all the answers about this rare doubting gem.”

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